His Love
by Breathinghuddy
Summary: She thought it was her fault so you stroked her hair and put your face close to hers and whispered ‘I love you’. The words meant nothing now though. They were, after all, just words.'


You sit at her side as the others come to say goodbye

You've awoken to the sound of noisy nurses pushing beds past your room. _They don't care!_ Suddenly you're angry again for no reason and you take a few deep breaths and stand up. You have a terrible headache but brush it off. Nothing matters anymore.  
You take a few uneasy steps towards the door but fall. It's all too hard. You start to cry again and don't bother getting up. You just lay there crying for hours, you're a grown man but you can't stop. Your eyelids are heavy and it's just easier to close them. Your face feels red and hot and your eyes are puffy. You're like a dog that's been kicked and miss treated all its life even though it were loyal and did the best it ever could. Luckily Foreman closed the blinds earlier and no one could see you. You shake with remorse and rage; your best friend killed Amber. Using all your energy you stand up and open the door, you don't feel much and that suits you fine.  
Walking out of the bright white room you feel better and you know where you are going. You walk towards Gregory House's room. You get there and see Lisa Cuddy curled up in a ball next to his bed, her shoes scattered beneath her. She looks so small and worn-out. House opens his eyes and Cuddy rushes towards him. She tells him something soothing and he closes his eyes again.  
They don't know that you can see them and you feel like your invading their privacy. You stand there for a while and nothing happens. You don't know what you're waiting for but you can't bring yourself to move. Not because you don't have the energy but because you're transfixed, frowning slightly you try to work out why you're staring. Then the answer comes to you.

Your life was stained with false love like velvet red blood stains the hospital sheets. Three of your marriages had failed within years and by the third failing marriage you gave up and didn't care. You have sacrificed so much for others and didn't get anything in return, basically they'd used you. You realise that that's why you became friend with an ass like House. He wasn't serious and to keep him happy you didn't have to sacrifice much.  
Then you met Amber. She was cutthroat bitch then. Cunning, evil and creepy. She crawled into your office and said that she was never there. She walked out briskly and you just blinked a few times.

Amber filled your life. She was dominant and made up your other half. She had more experience than you in many things and the age difference didn't matter. Watching her wake up from the induced coma emotion didn't come to you. You told her that she was in hospital and she saw that her life was being run by a machine, she was on bypass. She started crying when she remembered what happened, tears filled her eyes and she looked more beautiful that ever even with raw red cheeks. When she realised that she was technically dead everything hit. Her face became scarlet and she was crying with no tears. She thought it was her fault so you stroked her hair and put your face close to hers and whispered 'I love you'. The words meant nothing now though. They were, after all, just words.

You look behind you and see Chase and Cameron walking together and smiling sadly. You chin trembles as you see that they have each other even if it is just a friendship based on lies. Turning back to House's room you watch the unreal picture of the two looking serene and realise that House loves Cuddy. House is loved and loves in return. Your thoughts turn down an unpleasant path as you stare at the two disgusted. He doesn't care about his life, he doesn't care about anyone else, and no one should care about him! It's not right. Cuddy is happy he is alive, so what? It doesn't make you feel better. He doesn't care that he's alive and that Amber is dead. He doesn't deserve anyone else's love. You do. You deserve the love. You save peoples life all for a few thankyou cards. He saves people lives because he _thinks it a game _and gets the heart of a beautiful woman in doing so.

You remember this as you step inside his room ready to attack. The sliding doors open and the atmosphere changes. The temperature rises by a few degrees and you feel calm. The doors close and you stand there for a few seconds not self conscious at all even though you're thirty seven and have been crying for the past few hours.  
House opens his eyes and looks around unfocused. He brings his attention to you and just watches taking your appearance in. You see the sorrow in his eyes but his feelings don't comprehend. He lifts his head up with great difficulty and you still just stand there. After a few seconds your eyes lock and all the unspoken words of the past few days seem to be heard. You turn around and walk out of the room.

You fall onto your double bed and just lay there. Words couldn't describe how you feel so you don't try to explain them. The position is uncomfortable and you're just about to move when something catches your eye. A neatly folded piece of paper is wedged under a pillow. You pull it out and read it.

_SORRY I'M NOT HERE.  
WENT TO PICK UP HOUSE.  
LOVE,  
A._

You heart leaps into your mouth and you start to cry again. You wonder how the human body can generate enough water for all the tears but it doesn't matter. Strong Amber wouldn't want to see you like this but then again it is all her fault. That thought shocks you as you know it wasn't her fault and then you feel angry at yourself. You pull the piece of paper closer and hold it next to your heart. Its warmth spreads around you but then fades quickly as you remember it is only a piece of paper.

You shake your head slightly at this thought and a smile almost touches your lips. Amber Volakis lives through some writing on the back of an envelope and, now, she can live through your heart.

House is laying there in his hospital bed not making a sound, hardly breathing. His head pounds with pain and his leg aches. He wills himself to go to sleep but he can't. His hand feels warm and he looks over to his left and sees Cuddy holding it. She's asleep but her finger is still making stroking movements on his palm calming him. If anyone was to see House now they would see a different man. His eyes are a not glassy anymore nor they their usually brilliant blue. They are pale and almost green. They are a window into his future, and he knows that. He knows his life that changed and he knows he the fault of all this. He caused an innocent death and it made him realise that life is valuable, if not to him but to other people. He knows he should have died and now he knows that to live he must change. He also knows the reason that he wants to live is lying next to him in a small ball looking adorable with her black hair in knots.


End file.
